You're Not Going to Make Your College Friends the First Week of Classes

As the incoming freshmen and transfer students approach August, I wanted to set out a reminder to you all: you're not going to make your college friends immediately. In fact, most sites suggest anywhere from six months to two years to solidify your college friend group.

The first zero to two months are nicknamed the "orientation phase" for a reason! You'll be navigating a new environment and meeting lots of new people, all while having the newfound freedom that comes with college life. Although we all seek immediate comfort and support from friends and family during this time of profound change, this orientation phase really requires stepping out of your comfort zone for long-term success.

To find your friends, there will be a lot of trial and error. It's totally normal for friendships to drift apart after a few weeks/months. In fact, the majority of your early friendships will fade during this orientation phase.

To increase your odds of finding that group, or even just a few close friends, quicker, immerse yourself in activities, clubs, courses, etc. that you enjoy to find like-minded people! Also remember to put yourself out there, because one conversation with someone could change the trajectory of your life! Since college will already push you out of this comfort zone, you might as well go all the way! Don't be afraid to text potential friends to ask them to hang out, get lunch, or go out.

It takes people roughly 50 hours of time spent together to become casual friends, 90 to 100 hours for a regular friendship, and 200+ hours of quality time spent together for a deep, close friendship to blossom. Now try that with everyone you meet in those first couple of weeks, and you'll end up burnt out and drained from putting your energy into all these people.

A friendship must be a mutual choice, so carefully and thoughtfully choose who you give your energy to.

Finally, a new term that I thought I'd introduce to you is homophily: the tendency to connect with people similar to yourself. Homophily is important, as it shows the natural gravity of friendships. It's your psychological reminder not to worry, because eventually you will find your friends, and your group.